The Test of Gold
They were lost. The sun had already begun to sink behind the trees, casting the sky in rich hues of pink and orange. Jeremy reached for his map again. Daniel was quicker, snatching it from his hands and tossing it to the floor.
“We’re lost, aren’t we?” he said. The boy didn’t wait for a reply. He stalked away from his brother, slid his pack off his shoulders, and sank to the ground. “Let’s just set up here.” He had finally tired of grumbling, but a deep scowl remained etched across his face, serving as a reminder that he’d rather be anywhere else.
Jeremy looked around. They were supposedly an hour away from the campground that had the best view. He refused to look worried. Instead, he bent to pick up the map and examined it with a calculated calm that didn’t fool Daniel.
Their mother had sent them off with a flurry of prayers on her lips; she was paranoid. Her imagination ran wild with every possible way that Nature might overwhelm her sons and take them from her: drowning in the river, losing their footing and falling from great heights, squaring off with one of those bears. He intended to bring them back in one piece.
Jeremy stole a glance in Daniel’s direction and frowned. He watched as Daniel wiped his glistening forehead with the back of his hand and pulled his gangly legs up to his chest. Jeremy did not want to admit that perhaps the trip had been a bad idea – a corny attempt to relate to this younger, angrier version of himself. The two were like reflections on both sides of a mirror: thick eyebrows that looked like caterpillars when they laughed, broad noses like their father’s, deep brown skin like their mother’s. Jeremy’s face was slightly rounder, his build a bit softer. Daniel delighted in this distinctive difference; if he couldn’t best his brother in anything else, he was at least more athletic.
“Fine, let’s just set up before it gets dark,” Jeremy sighed, ignoring the Closed to Camping sign a few yards away.
Silently, they pulled out clear tarp, tent poles, stakes, and a rain fly from their packs. Out came crackers, baked beans, fresh bread, and cheese. Jeremy rummaged through his things for a lighter.
“I’ll get the fire going,” Daniel said.
Jeremy stared openly at him. His shock overrode his disappointment. He had been hoping to teach him all about setting up a campsite.
“I was a scout for a while, remember?” Daniel knew that his brother had forgotten. He turned away from him and went off to gather wood, tinder, and kindling. Jeremy flinched at the hard bite of remember.
His mother had forced Daniel to join the Boy Scouts at a summer camp in Elbert, Colorado last year. She hoped that some time away from their hometown, Aurora, might do her youngest some good. She’d come to dread the high trill of her cell phone ringer; more and more often it was his principal, threatening to punish him for yet another fight. She continued to plead with God for some of Jeremy’s discipline and charisma to finally rub off on her baby boy. But Daniel had returned earlier than expected after he was caught tossing all the lanyards into Silver Lake.
His father had peppered him with questions, asking another and another before hearing any response.
“I don’t get it. What is the matter with you?” their father bellowed.
“I didn’t-”
“We’ve done everything, given you everything. Why can’t you just be like your br-”
“I am not my brother!” he shouted – recoiling slightly, as though the words had been forced out against his will. He slipped past his father and slammed the door to his room.
He didn’t hear or feel Daniel get up and leave the tent. Instead, he was prodded to consciousness by a singing family of black-capped chickadees hidden away in the trees above him. He fumbled around, feeling for the tent’s zipper. Before he’d completely straightened up, he was hit by the heavy waft of frying eggs and salted vegetables.
“Daniel…how long have you been up?” he asked, rubbing his eyes and squinting against the bright August sun.
“Not long,” he mumbled. “Sandwich?”
Jeremy nodded and sat a few yards from the fire. He watched as his brother expertly put together a breakfast for two. Daniel took the pan away from the fire and doused it with water, setting it aside to be cleaned later.
They ate quickly, deciding to pack up their things and head to the designated campsite. Before everything was stashed away, Jeremy decided to test his brother’s good mood.
“Let’s go fishing,” he said.
Daniel’s right eyebrow shot up. They’d never gone fishing alone together. On the few occasions when he’d cast a line, his father had been there, his boisterous chatter shaking up the long silences.
“Okay old man, taking over from dad?”
Jeremy let out a loud laugh. Twenty-three was hardly old, but he could admit that it must seem like a long way off to a fifteen-year-old. He left with the fly rods and tackle box, instructing Daniel to put out the fire and then join him down the hill.
By the time his little brother arrived, Jeremy had picked out a spot along the Poudre where he hoped to catch a few brown trout. Though they did not say so aloud, the gurgle of rushing water reminded them of their mother. The brothers – at once and with the same level of care – took an instinctive step back.
They cast their lines again and again, falling into a contented silence. Occasionally, one or the other would yank their rod, letting out an excited hiss as the fish were lured in by small critters attached to the line. They took bets on who would get the best catch. After what seemed liked years standing by the water, Daniel exposed nearly every tooth as he grinned in victory.
“Not bad, old man.”
Jeremy looked over at him, smiling at the favorable change in the atmosphere that lay between them. There was an unmistakable gleam in his brother’s eyes – a brightness that had gone missing for quite some time. Jeremy’s body began to thaw out; he exhaled and relaxed his shoulders. Their parents thought him a perfect child, but he had failed as a brother. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. A plume of smoke rose in the distance. He was sure that it was near where they’d set up camp. His stomach sank. Daniel turned in the direction of Jeremy’s gaze and then froze.
“Daniel. Daniel, did you put the fire out?”
“I…I thought–”
“Thought what? How could you forget?” Jeremy tried to lower his voice; his heart was sure to burst from his chest. He was on his feet in seconds, running back up the hill. He could hear Daniel close behind him, his uneven breaths fading into a chorus of whimpers.
They ran into the clearing, stumbling back as the maleficent blaze of bright yellow and orange licked away at their belongings, cutting a path through the grass and up the nearby fir trees. He instinctively stuck an arm out in front of Daniel.
The tent was all but consumed. The stakes snapped and crackled until they gave in completely, collapsing in on themselves. Jeremy’s head was on a swivel, looking around for anything that could be salvaged. Daniel stood still, transfixed by the fire’s increasing strength.
The heat overwhelmed them. It emanated from all directions and came down on them in waves. There was no time, no way to control the fire.
“We have to go!” Jeremy shouted. He tossed the pans, lighter, and cooking tools into Daniel’s pack and threw it over his shoulder. His own pack lay burning beside the tent. He pulled hard on Daniel’s arm. They ran back down the hill and then walked a few miles against the flow of the river. Occasionally, they dared to glance behind them, hoping that by some miracle, they would see clear skies.
The billowing black cloud grew larger with each mile they put between themselves and the fire’s birthplace. Jeremy nudged his little brother toward a path that led back up the hill. They would follow it all the way back to where they had parked.
Two hours had passed before they trudged into the parking lot. They sat silently by the car for a long while.
“We should find the ranger station.”
Daniel looked terrified. He wiped away tears and cleared his throat. “It’s my fault.”
Jeremy couldn’t find any words. They slowly peeled themselves off the sidewalk and packed up the car. He backed out of the parking lot and drove slowly down the winding path that led to the ranger station and to Highway 14.
If he reported the fire, perhaps it could be quickly contained. The officers would demand to know what they were doing camping in a prohibited area. He would be heavily fined, or worse, imprisoned. Daniel wasn’t to blame; he was still a child. Jeremy felt lightheaded.
He couldn’t afford the fine. He’d saved every dollar for an engagement ring for his girlfriend, Adola. If they jailed him, he would have to kiss his relationship goodbye. Her father was not the easiest person to get along with. There was no man good enough for his daughter. He’d told him so himself.
Jeremy slowed down as they approached the station. He thought of his parents, he thought of the lilt in his mother’s voice whenever she called his name, of the dents in his father’s cheeks that deepened each time he beamed at him. There was no explaining this disastrous loss of control. He wasn’t sure that he could bear their disappointment.
Daniel let his face fall into his hands; his shoulders shook.
“Let’s keep this between us. Okay?”
Daniel lifted his head. His eyes were swollen and leaking. He said nothing, nodding. Jeremy pressed lightly on the accelerator. They were on Highway 14 in seconds.
The fire made local news by dinner time. Their mother hadn’t asked why they were home a day early. She assumed the two hadn’t gotten on well enough to spend the entire weekend together. She hid her disappointment in between the layers of her three-meat lasagna, spiced and peppered just the way her boys liked it. Daniel sulked a little deeper than normal, picking at his plate in a way that she did not appreciate. Even Jeremy was unusually quiet.
“Now look at that. Lord knows when they’ll contain that fire. That’s why we don’t go camping,” their mother said. “You weren’t anywhere near there, were you?”
Daniel dragged his eyes away from his plate and looked at his brother. Jeremy cleared his throat and did something he rarely ever did. He lied. “No. No mama, we weren’t.”
“Praise God for that,” their father said, nodding in satisfaction.
“May I be excused?” Daniel asked.
“You haven’t touched your food,” she said.
“I’ll eat it later.”
“Hmph. Okay, son. Go ahead and go. See how your brother waits until he’s finished before leaving?”
Daniel wasted no time. He wrapped up his food and went quietly to his room, shutting the door behind him.
“I just don’t know what we’re going to do with that boy,” their father said. “He’s just so angry. Can’t even talk to him anymore.”
Jeremy finished his food slowly. He could tell them right now. He could tell them and just be done with it. Instead, he cleared the table, washed the dishes, and went back to his apartment.
Weeks passed and the fire only grew. It was a beast of a thing. They were calling it the largest wildfire in Colorado’s history. There wasn’t a day that passed that Jeremy did not hear talk of it in the office, with his family, with his friends. It was making the rounds on national news channels.
He’d lost his appetite. His mother could not help but comment on his weight loss each time she saw him. Aren’t you eating? She would exclaim. He laughed it off each time, trying desperately to cling to a sense of peace that had long since departed.
Daniel withdrew even further. He didn’t bother to come out of his room when Jeremy visited. They could find nothing to talk about. The fire burned in their minds, consuming everything else. One September evening, Daniel crept out of his room and caught Jeremy alone in the kitchen.
“I think we should tell,” he whispered. Jeremy turned the faucet off and lay the sponge on the counter. Though he did not turn around, Daniel knew he was listening. “They’ve evacuated so many people. And it’s all my fault.”
Jeremy turned, gazing at his little brother as tears began to swell up. “It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I should’ve made sure. But we can’t tell. This is bigger than either of us now…”
A combination of high winds and dry conditions had fueled the fire, causing it to swell and spread over more than 200,000 acres. Over 120 homes destroyed, more than 70 outbuildings and businesses razed to the ground. They could not come forward. They would be the most hated family in Colorado. Jeremy couldn’t put his brother and parents in that sort of danger. His thoughts turned to Adola. He wasn’t sure that she would still love him if she knew that he was responsible, if she found out he’d kept it a secret. He wasn’t sure that she should.
He’d finally purchased the engagement ring. By some miracle, he’d gotten her father to agree. The black box was hidden at the very back of his closet – where she wouldn’t find it. Tomorrow night he would take her to Beckon, one of Denver’s finest culinary experiences. Over the past two weeks, he’d gone over the tiniest of details, down to the placement of the tealights in the greenhouse where they would dine privately. There was little doubt that the management team had grown tired of his unannounced visits.
Everything could still go perfectly. They could still start the life that he’d planned out.
The next evening, Jeremy arrived at his parents’ home, wound tightly into a ball of nervous energy. The black box pulsated in his jacket pocket. This was it. His mother had insisted that he stop and take photos before rushing off to the restaurant. She fidgeted with his bow tie and cuff links. His father patted him on the back, the inimitable twinkle of affection in his eyes. Jeremy looked around for his brother.
“Daniel’s gone off to a friend’s house,” his Mother offered, reading his mind. “I begged him to stay, but he seemed in a hurry.”
Jeremy tried to tamper his annoyance. Tonight was too important for Daniel to miss. He couldn’t help but think that he was probably getting into more trouble. He turned to his parents and smiled.
“I’m off. Wish me luck.”
“Oh, you won’t need it, baby. Adola’s been waiting on you,” she teased.
His father moved away from them and towards the television. He grabbed the remote and turned the volume up.
“…body has finally been identified as…”
“Oh, Lord help us. Poor thing,” she sighed. She gave Jeremy’s hand a squeeze and joined her husband.
“What’s going on?”
“First death from the fires. Found this morning. An elderly man who couldn’t be evacuated in time,” his father said.
Jeremy could barely hear the rest. He felt that he might vomit. He leaned against the wall for support. His mother’s cell phone rang on the counter next to him. Seeing that he’d made no move to hand it to her, she crossed the room and answered.
“Hello…yes…” Hearing the change in her tone, Jeremy and his father looked her way.
“Better not be Daniel up to no good,” his father called, already frustrated.
“What…you must be mistaken…” She was gripping the phone tightly now. “We’re on the way.”
She hung up, staring at her phone as though it were a living thing. She would not look at her eldest child. For the first time, his mother could not meet his gaze. She stood, statuesque, in the very kitchen where he had taken his first steps – the first of so many pride-filled moments. Without warning, time had been swallowed up and taken from him. He wanted to shake her, to plead with her, but his arms hung like heavy weights from his shoulders. If only she would look at him.
With considerable effort, she cleared her throat and turned to her husband. Her voice was a near whisper as she explained that Daniel was at the police station. He’d turned himself in for starting the fire and for the old man’s death.
It had never been so quiet in the house.
They stood there, the three of them, saying nothing. When she finally looked at Jeremy, he wished she hadn’t. He wished he couldn’t see the heart break that stretched over every corner of her face. Her eyes said everything that he knew she couldn’t; they asked of him everything that he couldn’t ask himself.
Photo Credit: @treesoftheplanet
